We all tend to think of ourselves as good friends. We may be. We may not be. The assessment is based on what constitutes a good friend.
What do you want in a friend? What does a friend want in you? Is a friend one who agrees with everything you say and everything you do? Is a friend someone who challenges everything you say and everything you do?
The answer is NO to both questions. The key is BALANCE. We want our friends to be a balanced amount of what we desire. We don’t want them to have too much of it. Or too little of it. Chances are our friends want the same from us.
We’ll explore the idea in a moment, but let’s first take a look at the author of this quotation. The one with the strange name. His name was Plutarch.
Plutarch lived during the middle of the 1st century. He was born into a prominent Greek family near the city of Delphi in the early days of the Roman Empire. Though he has some 227 works to his credit, he’s best known for his biographies of leading figures in antiquity and his essays on ethics and virtue. His most famous works were Moralia, also known as Ethica, and the work entitled, Parallel Lives.
Plutarch ran a school of philosophy, and maintained close ties with the Academy of Athens. Beginning in the year 95 A.D., he served as a priest of the god Apollo at Delphi, the home of the famous and mysterious Oracle at Delhi.
The Oracle of Delphi was one of the most curious puzzles of the ancient world. Much of what Plutarch wrote about it was considered by scholars to be inaccurate if not mythological.
But after more than 2,000 years his claims have been verified in modern times. It’s worth exploring if you have the time. Plutarch was admired, even revered in his time, and his writings have inspired countless historians and philosophers down through the ages.
So what was Plutarch’s point about not needing a friend who changes when he changes or nods when he nods? I think his point was that we need a friend who is neither a “yes man,” or a “no man.” We don’t need a friend who simply reflects back to us. A kind of clone of ourselves.
In fact, our shadow handles that job pretty well. Our shadow changes when we change and nods when we nod. But who wants a shadow as a friend?
On the other hand, we don’t want a friend who constantly disagrees with us. Who constantly questions our decisions, our preferences, and our actions. This gets old pretty fast.
But if we don’t want a friends who always agrees with us or who always disagrees with us—what do we want?
We want a friend who is a little of BOTH. A friend who disagrees with us. And who confirms our opinions and our convictions. Just not all the time.
We want a friend to defend us when others speak unfairly of us. We want a friend to be our best encourager when we’re down and need a lift.
We want a friend to include us in their lives. We want to be part of their journey and we want them to be part of ours. Of course, our journey will have twists and turns from time to time. And setbacks along the way. Our friend’s journey will include the same.
We want our friend to need us. But not in an unhealthy way. Just as our need for food and water and rest are appropriate and right—we want our friends to need us on their journey.
We also want a friend to respect us without being fawning and servile. We want a friend to be willing to tell us what we need to hear but may not want to hear it. To speak to us honestly, but without sacrificing kindness and sensitivity when they do.
In the end we want a friend to be loyal. To not talk about us behind our back. To not act like they’re true blue when they’re with us—but betray us when they’re with someone else. Sooner or later this gets back to us. And it’s not pretty when it does.
We want our friend to stand by us when we need support. We want our friend to walk in when others walk out. We want our friend to stay with us when it would be easier for them to abandon us.
In the final analysis, we don’t need a friend to be just like us. To change when we change. To nod when we nod. To agree with us all the time. After all, we have a SHADOW for that. Our shadow is not only better at this—but it’s not what FRIENDS are for AT ALL!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
You can receive Quotation Celebration automatically in your email inbox by clicking the FOLLOW button at the bottom of this screen and leaving your email address.
You can also find Quotation Celebration on Facebook.
Your comments are most welcome.
Thank you for reading Quotation Celebration.
Copyright © 2018 by Samuel Rodenhizer
All Rights Reserved
Quotation Celebration 